Why This Exists

I have been many things. I have been an obedient son. I have been a Christian, aiming for nothing but Jesus and his kingdom. I’ve been a decent chess player, good at sketching, an adventurous hill-walker, a lover of nature, mild in temperament, and a good school pupil. I got into the University I had been aiming for, and I wanted to be an aid pilot.

Then, somehow, at some point (I can’t remember exactly when), everything began to unravel: I sit in a house now, degree suspended until January, medicated and not permitted to work, and having had something pass over me that, according to my Psychiatrist, was clinically difficult to distinguish from Psychosis.

I do not think that I will be able to become a pilot anymore with my psychiatric record (and nor do I believe that I will enter a Kingdom of God when I die). Such are the costs of my past few years.

But what I have found is that people have been willing to try and help me. Now, in my mind, what I want to do is stand back up and show those people that help can be worth giving. I can’t accept that after all that and all the faith they’ve placed in me I am going to go on and fail in my degree again.

So what I need to do now is try to improve myself, as relentlessly as I am able to. I hope that this blog will help me hold myself to account.

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Why This Exists